Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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