Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
