Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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