like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
this beer tastes like vomit already
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
