i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
