so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
