apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Randomize
