Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
