i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
