why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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