I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
