There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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