Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
