Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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