Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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