i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
