I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She announced her abortion via fbk
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
