Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
