Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
