I feel great
I just peed on a car
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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