I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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