is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm always down for nudity.
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