I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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