Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
