It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
