Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
