Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
