she looked like the before picture.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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