Is it normal to miss your booty call?
it hurts more in the daytime
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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