just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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