I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
