I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
