yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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