he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
