explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
