I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
