I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Randomize
