I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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