What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
