Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you didnt know i had herpes?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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