They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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