So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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