life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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