i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
