if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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