ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
