Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
