For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
