When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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