U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
