you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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