as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
