You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
