hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
