I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
